"HEY! You there!" came the voice. Close it was, and he did not know why he knew this, but someone was trying to get his attention. His movements, now unhindered by the cold, are unusually quick and jerky, his long legs making whipping noises as he jumps about. Where is the stranger? Trees do not speak. Maybe Fruit speaks. What is fruit? Is Fruit dangerous? Suddenly, his cold, dark eyes rest on the figure of an unkown beast, standing suddenly directly in front of him. All movement ceases in the clearing. The sound of his breath moving past his teeth sounds almost too loud as the stranger bears down on him. The trees rustle. His scabbed feet burn. He closes his eyes to blink.

Destruction. When he opens his eyes, there is nothing. No trees. But there is fire, and there is much noise. He bleeds profusely from one shoulder, and he cannot see through the blood splashed on his face. A deep, scouring pain takes him, and his legs fail. His limp form falls to meet the forest floor, dead wood and fallen trees allabout. Through the corner of his eye, he can now see what was behind him... but it is no longer standing. It is a strange creature, one he has never seen before. It seems to be a beetle, a large, broken horn not unlike his own protruding from its mutilated forehead. This creature no longer has eyes. It no longer has arms. The only reason that he knows it had, at one point legs, is because on of them now sits directly in front of him, torn from its owners hip. Hauling himself around, he gets a slightly better view of... 'it'. Although this being is one he has never seen before, he knows there is no way it is.. in any way... how it.. should be. There is no rise and fall of breathing, there is no warmth from its still form, there is no sound, no movement, no smell. But there is death. Fear grips his heart, as panic sets in. He had blinked. Closed his eyes. Now the mutilated form of a stranger lay in front of him.

GUILT. FEAR. PAIN. HOW?

His breathing quickening, he rises to a standing position now, and though his hip makes a gut-wrenching slurping, then CRACKING noise, his face shows no emotion.

He walks away. Limping, and bleeding,. he walks away from that scene, through the clumps and rows of stumps and sawdust, the wretched corpse growing ever smaller as he travels away. Why had that happened? Why was that beetle dead?
Thought again leaves his mind. Then, a twisted smile crosses his bloody maw. He closes his eyes to blink.

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Woah... PSYCHO TIGER! AAAAH!!

Oh, uh, I'd just like to add--

I'm only 14, but this does NOT mea I'm psycho just cos I write stuff liek this! It's an OUTLET, ok? Mmkay. And considering I don't feel the need to let out angry confused screwey emotions that often, my story isn't updated that often. ^.^;;

Not bad. Nice use of descriptive words. There were a few spelling errors, but they were minor so I'll call them typos (they probably are). Your grammar is O.K, but it could use some work. CHB and others will offer some insights on this soon enough, I'm sure. This got confusing at points with how your telling the story, it's a cross between narrative and third person or something...OR SOMETHING.

Oh, and uh...welcome to puberty eh? Fun times.

From the get go, I would have liked more insight to the voice. Rough and gritty? Light and rasping? Powerful and commanding? I assume it was the Beaklon, but no way to tell.

I was a bit off on the time frames though. By that I mean, how long does it take you to blink? Lots of events were happening, in which he participated (I assume), all while his eyes were closed.

The narrative was odd, but could be overlooked.

Other than these flow issues and the length (I abhor short chapters from anyone), I liked it. Most assuredly ahead of your age.

Not as good as some of the other chapters in this story, but not too bad. Keep it up.

I agree. It would be nice to see what was talking somehow. The first person present tense threw me off at first. It is without a doubt, as CHB said, far ahead of your age. I am 14 and can't write that well. Just ask anyone who reveiwed my first story. Right, CHB?

And, in rebuttal to what CHB said, I'd say it was a hopper or something. Beaklons don't really have noticably long legs.

Or, we could read the very last sentence and get "PSYCHO TIGER".

"It seems to be a beetle, a large, broken horn not unlike his(The tiger's) own protruding from its mutilated forehead."

Me think bug.

Is there a beetle/tiger crossbreed?

There is a Tiger/Beetle in MR4.

To me, it was a Tiger vs. Beaklon in this chapter.