“S**t,” thought the Durahan as a clear, almost invisible blade zinged through the air toward him. He raised his sword to block… and watched in horror as the blade went straight through his sword and his own neck.

The zan retracted his razor sharp arm to its usual position behind it’s head and watched as the Durahan’s eyes faded into nothingness. He then walked off the field as medics rushed onto the field.

“Good job,” remarked his trainer, Nate, at the stadium’s exit. “However, we still have to work on your defense. That Durahan almost nicked off a piece of your armor. I have to pay extra for you, you know. That scientist that created you never made a lot of your armor.”

They were now walking on the road back to Nate’s mansion. He was a world famous trainer, having trained almost 35 monsters in his entire career. All 35 were ranked in the top 50 by AGIMA.

They finally reached the mansion around sunset. Nate retired to his bedchamber where his wife awaited, while the zan walked around the house to his quarters in the barns out back. All of Nate’s monsters lived here.

Zan fell down into a light sleep on the floor of his barn, in an eggshell position. He was having dreamless sleep as always, because he was made that way.

Nate’s own private scientists had made the zan. Using high-tech machines, they made an unbeatable monster made of a clear substance with the same durability and toughness as a Durahan’s armor.

The zan woke suddenly, leaping into combat position. Something was wrong. Stealthily, he moved out the door, keeping low and occupying as little space as he could. He quickly noticed two things. One, the sentry on guard was dead or unconscious, probably unconscious, seeing as it was one of his master’s own private guard dragons. Second, there was a tiny figure leaping around from tree to tree, heading toward his trainer’s open bedroom window.

The zan quickly took action and sounded the alarm, startling the ninja. Taking this as an excellent chance to act, the zan jumped up to the branch the ninja was on, undetected. Observing the monster, the zan noticed that it was a hare.

That’s when the hare turned around.

With unbelievable speed and power the hare leapt forward at the zan feet first. Dodging the hares attack, the zan used it’s fist and put all of it’s power into a RisngRave. Nate stuck his head out of the window, took in the scene, and quickly pulled his head back in and closed the window.

The next day, Nate, Pressure, his best monster, ranked number 1, and the zan, ranked number 2, went down to the dungeons to interrogate the hare.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?” screamed Nate.

“To kill you,” calmly replied the hare. It didn’t even look afraid until Pressure lightly punched it in the stomach. He was a Golem, after all, but was highly intelligent and accurate as well as fast, and like any Golem unbelievably strong and rock hard.

The little hare grunted and broke, speaking in connected words. “SomeguytookmeafteratournamentandsaidIwasfastandpaidmetokillyouquietlyand...”

Nate raised his hand and asked, “What was his name?”

“I don’t k-know,” stammered the stupefied hare.

Without another word the angry trainer left the room. Pressure and the zan followed him.

“Find him,” commanded Nate. Pressure bowed and nodded to the crystalline zan. They left through the front door and walked back to the barn houses.

They knocked on the third, fourth, and fifth houses. All five of them had worked together before fairly well, so they logically figured that they would use the same group. And after all, they were the top five in the world. A golem, a zan, a phoenix, a pixie, and a Dragon, in order of rank. However, the zan was the leader of the group, as he was most powerful. He could beat Pressure, but still needed to officially beat him at the next tournament.

The pheonix’s name was blaze, aptly named for his power over fire. He was well remembered for decimating the Kawrea stadium after using his full potential in the form of a fire wave.

The pixie’s name was Amazon. She was quite powerful and beat anyone except the top three in her tourneys, but her most famous feat was when she defeated gladiator, the old number 4. Although both had 999 life, she had been reduced to 1. Miracously, she used life steal and gained 998 life back, killing gladiator with 100% life.

The Dragon’s name was Inferno. A pure dragon, he was remembered for toppling Goldenrod, who was ranked number 6, with a simple flutter attack.

After rousing the other three, Pressure and (we’ll call him zan) zan led them to the front gate, where they exited and started down the path toward the nearest town, Vizlee.

It had not been 3 seconds when a huge explosion shook the ground, sending all five to the ground. They quickly got up and ran back to the house.

What greeted their eyes was a scene of devastation. Fiery pieces of roof slates and melted globs of glass flew through the air. The entire mansion was an inferno and monsters ran toward the nearest exits.

Zan watched as number 6, his friend shadow, made his way toward them. Being a tiger, he was able to dodge the burning debris and make it to safety.

“LETS GO!” shouted shadow. “WE WONT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING IF WE AREN”T ALIVE.”

All six turned and ran, then circled around the perimeter to gather survivors.

Zan looked at the gutted mansion, its great halls reduced to black passages, it’s floors never again to be walked upon. He looked back at the monsters behind him and counted. 28 monsters.

He sighed, wondering what had happened to the other seven. A heavy hand patted his shoulder. He turned around to see Pressure.

“We have to go. Whoever wanted our master dead obviously wanted us all dead. He’ll be coming after us.”

“No,” replied zan. “If he had wanted us all dead he would have sent more than one little hare to kill us all as plan A.”

“Well then what do we do? You’re the leader now, zan.”

“First, we make our way to Vizlee. We can pick up rumors there from an old friend I made in a tourney…”

1) I don't like the word "zinged". Maybe "sliced" or "flew" and I'd even slip "whizzed" instead of "zinged". Personal preference.

2) Don't use the same word too close to itself.

i.e. "He then walked off the field as medics rushed onto the field."

Try to use as many words as possible to describe one thing, it truly adds to the power of a description. This is a slight example, but one all the same.

3) I really don't like the context of numbers in fanfics. As far as accuracy, damage, and life points, I'd prefer not to see them unless you were doing something similar to Yug-i-Oh with the MR cards or actually have people playing the game in your story.

4)I don't personally like naming a monster after its breed. I feel this is the prime opportunity to display creative engineering in a story.

If I said, "Wasn't Durahan a cool hero?" You wouldn't know who I was talking about, and not even near which story I meant.

Now, if I said, "Wasn't Justice a cool hero?" You would (or should) know exactly who I am referring to. (Rise of the Master series by Black Razor)

A little late to correct it now, but if you could pull it off and fit it in the story, I would be amazed.

That's it. Only 4 critiques. You definitely have more potential than most do. I can assure you, it comes with time, and with experience. You'll begin spotting things you don't like in a story before you're even done with it.

Not a bad start, I'd read more.

What can be said, has been said. Wonderful job, overall. But one thing I can't stand is mispellings of proper nouns, like 'Vizlee'. Vizley is the correct spelling. I digress, and wait for the next piece.

I thought it was Vizlee? from Mr2 advance

I would assume he is waiting to say the name of the Zan but I could be wrong, just figured from where he said "After rousing the other three, Pressure and (we’ll call him zan) zan led them to the front gate" that he just did not want to say his name yet, but like I said I could be wrong.

one more thing, try to keep lists as listy as possible. "IE;The next day, Nate, Pressure, his best monster, ranked number 1, and the zan, ranked number 2..."
soundds like Nate, Pressure, a monster who is ranked number 1, a zan, and the number 2 monster. I might try rewording it, say,
"the next morning, Nate, his number one monster named Pressure, and his Zan who was ranked number two..."

Oh man, I've been gone for so long. Just managed to get chap 8 of mda up and still post some things. A lot o crap's been goin on in my life, sick grandmother, sick relatives, etc. Well, march should prove to be a good month for me to come back full time for mrm. expect to see more works as early as tomorrow. Anyway, that's my life, here're some pointers for DarkBlitzX (by the way, its good to see new blood in the library. welcome aboard, db.)

1.) Adjectives. your paragraphs tend to be short and i don't have a clear picture of the surroundings. maybe a few descriptive paragraphs would do this epic some good. For example, with the whole mansion exploding thing, you could have described it with this:

[Zan looked up at the pathetic ruins of the mansion; its once glorious halls reduced to smoldering ashes. The leftover flames flickered in disgust at the monsters standing before them. Majestic columns lay tainted on the ground like the corpses of a thousand soldiers killed in the heat of battle. Pitch black ashes lay garnishing the once beautiful work of determined architects. Zan's dark form stood motionless in front of the nightmare that had been his dwelling.]

I could go on, but I think you get it. As you can see, expanding on a single idea that normally takes a writer two sentences to complete can be very useful. It's a trick I learned called the expanded moment. Use it well.

2.) Give Zan a name. Just saying Zan over and over really stinks. I know CHB said it but its a crucial point I have to stress. Make something up if you have to. I just made up all of my other charater's names from thin air. From MDA, Keemo and Jango. You don't see that every day. I just picked a few letters and mixed em. Here are a few names I could see fitting:

Lucifer
Reaper
Sickle
Blade
Katana

I could see Zan with any name you see fit, as long as its not zan. I wouldn't even like zan backwards. (Naz) funny thing, isn't it?

3.) Capitalization is a must. You slacked off on some names. Just remember that for the future.

That's all for now. Maybe even some more length would do. You're doing very well, and I look forward to the next installment.

Yay. More help.
About the zan's name, i cpuldn't think of any befitting him so i decided to think of one and add it in the next chapter. its also a minor part in the storyline.