Yes the title is copied off " A knight's tale" but the story is nothing like it.

Zero was finally free from his awful trainer.His trainer never fed him and he never let him rest.When Zero fell ill he didn't even get him medicine.So he ran away.

He decided to go away to Brimhaven Isle where monsters roamed free and they controlled the land.

On his way he saw an old friend of his.. actually the first in his bloodline had come from the same trainer.So they were practically related.He called up to him" Hey snow ball!!! Can you give me a lift?""IM not snowball!!!!THat stupid trainer thought it was funny to call a Dragon snowball.. and it wasnt!!!Ive changed my name to Greg.""ok GREG. I was wondering if you could give me a lift to Brimhaven isle?""ok hop on"
They rode on to Brim haven and Zero jumped off 50' off the ground. He landed with skill and ease.
AS he explored he saw a castle.He wanted to become a knight so he went in to see the king.The king told him that his daughter, valerie, was captured by an evil Golem.
And so he sought out the golem, called aralith, in order to become a knight.He found his dark castle with great ease.Just outside of the kingdom.He climbed carefully up the walls and found that Aralith was on the roof, and so was Valerie, she was chained to a rock.
after a long and grueling battle Zero finally won. And he realized it was very late, and he should stay for the night.He un chained Valerie, seeing that she was surprisingly fully armed. she said,"Come we need to soak"She led him down to a room with hot pools in an alcove. she carefully removed her tunic from her shoulders.Zero found it hard to not stare.then she removed her trousers and loincloth as if he was not even present and enterd the pool.He did the same. she said"Thank u for rescuing me""I am only trying to become a knight""Even so is there anything i can do for u?"He stared hungrily at her breasts wich were fully exposed above the water.She saw what he was looking at and she stirred slipping across the pool to where he was floating.She pulled herself tight in against him"As you wish"
They woke up early, and after a night of making love in the castle beds got dressed and went over to the king's castle.The king was thrilled that his daughter was back and so Zero was crowned a knight. as well... Valerie slept and made love with him every night.

Well devised, but I don't know about the last part, though...

Are you kidding? the whole thing was terrible EXCEPT for the last part.
I give it an F for effort, but a A+ for almost erotic.

There are about a million zillion different ways to say how much your story sucked. here are some tips from my 7th grade english class:
1 Revise your story after writing it
2 Make sure the plot makes sense. in other words, do the events of the story fit in together? is the climax climactic or anticlimactic?
3 If you can, put a theme in your story
4 Understand your characters. what are their internal and external conflicts?
5 have others take a look and get their opinion. a second opinion may help open up ideas for your story.
6 The story should not be too grandiose. Make sure that the events in your story are believable.
7 Foreshadow some events to build suspense, like,
"as bob progessed into the jungle, he felt as if he were being watched..." or something like that.

You should write childrens books.

(MR2 monster has been started, but tests and the like are keeping my time. Expect it by atleast early May.)

I think you guys should try to understand that he was only trying to make a fun story. I don't mean to sound rude, but he did take the time to write it.

If you are going to criticize, you need to be in one of these categories:

1) Write your own stuff as well
2) Be creative and constructive when you review

The end. No exceptions. I may have been absent for the past few months, and I do have my reasons, but I'm not going to let such foul, adolescent immaturity bombard my library.

And yes, I use it possessive, as anyone who has ever put serious work into a story can also claim, and this flagrant idiocy will not be tolerated.

As for the story, four things stand out most (yes, another set of numbers):

1) Structure
2) Flow
3) Length
4) Hook

1) For the first one, I pretty much mean the way you presented it in the format. By that, I mean your paragraph spacing in particular. When someone speaks, make that its own paragraph, to keep the flow of visuals versus verbiage separate.

Read a few of the other Epics that have more than 4 chapters, and you’ll see what I mean.

2) Try to lead into events. Put some serious forethought in the aspect of how you want your character to slip into the next scene.

I.E. "He decided to go away to Brimhaven Isle where monsters roamed free and they controlled the land."

This is your extent of describing the island. I would like you to elaborate on this kind of thing next time. Put several sentences into it, describing it for the reader to get a better feel of how the island works, what it looks like, if it’s hostile or friendly, peaceful or war torn, etc.

3) This is the biggest point I drive home to every new or aspiring writer. You need to put thought into a storyline, the characters, and the world you are creating. With extreme thought, come many, many ideas of what you want to convey. These many, many ideas should all be included in your masterpiece, and for them to fit, you NEED LONGER CHAPTERS. Work on a chapter more than a day (which it seems that is as much effort as you put into this one). Say, work on it a little everyday over a weekend, then double check it to make certain your happy with the results. You'll improve quickly this way.

4) You HAVE to give the reader something to sink into. You need a hook, a bait, a temptation, a thirst, a desire, a need to read more of your story. I rarely toot my own horn, but I've become very accustomed to leaving the end of my chapters open for many possibilities, to keep my audience guessing. They thrive on the anticipation of the next installment, as do I.

Overall, I'll admit, not the best of starts, and I apologize that only one of your previous readers was worth listening to.

Well, keep in mind, if you post more stories, you'll have at least one fan egging you on to become better, and when I critique your work, I'll always devise a method of improvement to follow.

P.S. Violance is acceptable, in fact encouraged (by me, I'm descriptivly violent), but we try to leave the "making of love" out of these.

i write stories too, except that none of them are about monster rancher right now. Any way, isn't there like, a Q and A on how to write stories and tips on writing stories somewhere in the library section?

Wow. Just wow.

I didn't know I had missed so much since I left.

I started compiling one to send to Lisa for final viewing, but it was one of many projects that got pushed back and forgoten.

You always need to give someone at least one more chance before lighting into them.

And honestly, you seen how many people obviously don't read the Office of the Mayor here anyway, what makes you think they'd consult my list of preferances before posting their work?